Adding Fun to Your Marriage: The quickest way to happiness

It’s Summertime! The sun is warm, and somehow our troubles seem smaller.

What if we could bottle that feeling? What if we could bring that summertime attitude to our relationships year-round?


If you’re stuck in a rut of negativity, or your marriage has had an icky moment, it can be discouraging; you can’t undo it or take it back. If you are a parent, you know what it’s like to sometimes feel like everything you say is negative or critical or a command. “If they would just stop DOING THAT, then I could be more pleasant!”. You feel powerless to change it.

Here’s a different approach to try…

Imagine you are baking a cake (I am slightly addicted to analogies…a relatively harmless addiction), and you accidentally put double the amount of salt in…you might think it’s ruined…but there’s a solution you haven’t thought of…PUT TWICE AS MUCH OF EVERYTHING ELSE IN! If you double the recipe, then the ratio problem is corrected (plus you have two cakes!)!

In a family, it’s all about the RATIO of negative moments to positive ones. We can handle the negative moments easily when there’s a good counter-balance of positive ones.

So instead of fretting about all those negative moments…, ADD MORE POSITIVE ONES!! Here are some ideas to get you started:

Make it a goal to say five, or ten, (or twenty-five!) positive words to your loved one today. How long can you keep it up?

Be a sneaky freaky pay-it-forward random-act-of-kindness person. Make someone’s bed, clean their bathroom, deliver a coffee.

Make use of the countless opportunities in a day to smile, touch, connect with your loved ones in a positive way.

Plan an activity or adventure with a loved one. It sends a strong positive message when you show you want to give them your time.

Create your own happiness so your family doesn’t have to feel responsible for it. Take responsibility for adding some powerful positive mood to your home. Sing! Dance!

Be playful. Remember what that was like? Flop on the bed. Talk in that funny voice you used to use. Be silly. Make it your goal to get your loved one to smile.

Instead of complaining, try being the change you want to see!



Lynda is a Marriage and Family Therapist  in private practice in London, Ontario. She blogs about relationships, emotional regulation and other mental health and wellness issues.


November 14, 2016

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